Perfect Pixels

 

AN AUGUST 2001 PRESS RELEASE

FROM NIKCANON CORP.

 

 

 

Dr. Ellen K. Rudolph

Reporting from a container ship in international waters off the coast of Japan (AP)

 

 

Yesterday, in a startling move, Nikon World and Canon World announced a hi-tech merger of 21st Century proportions.

 

The new company, NIKCANON CORPORATION, will break the digital mold with their new NIKCANON 22c which brings together brave, new space-age functions for discerning pixel professionals.

 

The system will retail for the remarkable price of US $1,999.00 without the requirement to purchase additional accessories as all system functions are built-in, thanks to the new NIKCANON Imaging Chip (NIC) which is no larger than the head of a pin. Lots of trees in 3rd World countries have been felled in order to produce this new technology, but such is life.

 

With its spectacular 16,000 ppi capabilities and completely wireless interface, the NIKCANON 22c eliminates all but the most basic user parameters and turns every user, regardless of age or proclivity, into a bona fide pixel professional.

 

Indeed, with this innovative system we now have the technology at our fingertips to mirror, make, remake, manage and completely manipulate the world around us in startling ways. No longer are we bound to arcane distinctions between what is real and what isnt WYSIWYG is suddenly replaced by WYWIWYS (What You Want Is What You See). This is most amazing!

 

Exactly what functions come packaged with the NIKCANON 22c ? Here is a partial list from the NIKCANON CORP Technical Support Team:

 

01-an automated DNA-based Owner-ID Recognition (OIDR) ON/OFF switch

 

02-an automated pixel stabilizer button for aerials and rapid action shooting environments

 

03-a voice-activated audio record system

 

04-a REM-activated focusing mode

 

05-a REM-activated, automated, low-light/bright-light pixel sensitivity range

 

06-holographic metering

 

07-a solar-activated automated recharging capability

 

08-an atomic clock

 

09- variable (10-50 gigabyte) chip-based (NIC) memory storage capabilities, eliminating the need for external memory cards

 

10-an automated self-cleaning/repair function

 

11-built-in mini-DVD-Write/Play options

 

12-a user-based retinal remote control center for wireless operation up to one mile

 

13-a 24 to 48-bit resolution dial

 

14-long-distance, high-power laser flash technology with the built-in 22c mini TTL strobe

 

15-pulldown keyboard entry

 

16-motion detector with alarm option

 

17-built-in wireless modem with FTP options

 

18-A fractal imbed option

 

19-automatic diopter adjustment in increments from 8 to +8

 

20-noise-free ISO equivalencies from 25-to-3600

 

21-voice-activated frame protection

 

22-voice-activated language selection

 

23-a password-protected system refresh button

 

24-automatic internal temperature controls

 

25-a tilt/shift/DOF control center

 

26-a panoramic control center for focal lengths from 14-50mm

 

27-built-in slideshow capabilities with sound and projection options

 

28-wireless connection to live cams/TV/satellite imaging systems

 

29-up to 16,000 ppi interpolated format and file sizes with upgradable ColorSync technology

 

30-approximately 13.5 frames per second in Continuous Shooting mode

 

31-a built-in file naming convention with pulldown keyboard entry

 

 

As if that were not enough! Pixel professionals everywhere will be thrilled with the capabilities of this space-age system even without the NIKCANON 22cs non-removable, lightweight, fixed-aperture f/1.4 14-400mm SLR zoom. It is enough to loose sleep over.

 

The only downside, according to NIKCANON CORP, is that the system weighs in at a hefty 55 lbs.

 

The line forms to the rear.

 

 

 

 

2001 Dr. Ellen K. Rudolph

drellenr@aol.com

www.drellenrudolph.com